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 so far away, drabble for Lucia
Evan V. Donoghue
 Posted: 15 Jun 17, 09:43

"Hell at his back, home just over the horizon. His hands are weak, his body empty, but his horse knows the way."

farmer, former outlaw
widower (ex: Flight & Morrow)
26 posts

maybe I deserve all of this
He wondered if she knew, wondered if the word had travelled far enough for it to reach her. Obviously, he didn't want her to know, not after everything. Not after all those years. She was there when he disobeyed the law on daily bases, when he was not nearly the person he is today. She had seen him commit crimes you don't speak about and still, he is overwhelmed with insecurity when he thinks that she might know. Haunted by this thought his eyes flit back to hers and he glowers.

Maybe she didn't know, maybe she wouldn't ever figure it out. Maybe it didn't occur to her that Evan reappeared around the time that the old gang was locked up or assassinated. Maybe she wouldn't make the connection. Maybe, - he stops his train of thought and sighs. What would he give to erase it all from his past, to wash the blood from his hands? He would've run when he had the chance and never looked back.
Instead, he was forced by the government, became a hypocrite that haunted his former colleagues for the same crimes he committed. He ran down every single one and put a bullet in their brain. Except for Lucia.

Except for her.

It took him weeks to find her, her trail almost invisible to the untrained eye. A group of bandits surrounded her, Lucia clearly standing out in between with her bright red hair and her unwavering confidence. It didn't surprise him to find her in the midst of another group of outlaws, after all, he only taught her to be a criminal, how to wield weapons and to fool your enemy. He shouldn't have expected more.
He followed them on the back of Gambler and waited for the night. When darkness crept over the plains he lied down on his stomach in the high grass and looked at her through his crosshairs, his aim perfectly still between her eyes and his finger balanced on the trigger.

In that moment he thought about his daughter, about his wife, about them being locked away and kept somewhere against their will. His mind lingered there until he thought about Lucia and their moments spent together, about teaching her how to handle a rifle or trying to read. He thought about everything and nothing at all and minutes passed by..- until she stood up and went to bed.

He let out his breath and relaxed his muscles, he dismantled his rifle and rolled on his back. He couldn't do it.

He left and never looked back, he found a corpse that resembled her close enough and handed it over to the government officials. They granted him his freedom and let go of his family and for a week he felt like things were getting better.
Of course, things only got worse when they double-crossed him.

Evan lets out a breath and clenches his jaw. Preoccupied with his looming despair he misses Lucia smiling at him and continues to work on the task at hand. Silently he begged for her to never find out.
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